So we were at home, me and my stepmum, and we woke up to somehow our house being robbed, the doors were left open so I was calling the cat. All of a sudden about 25 versions of my cat back home Marmelade, the cat here called Magic and a miniture brown sausage dog all come barreling in, then I shut the door. Suddenly im in the garden that doesnt exist its dark and its raining i see two people fighting ontop of the climbing frame that also doesnt exist irl and is about 20 foot high. i climb up and its my step mum. "Paige, help me" she says the other dudes got a knife. So I pull him off her and its like a 20 y/o joaquin pheonix to which I exclaimed "are you jo-". Stepmum cut me off with "yeah he robbed our house then said he was coming back for the doors and windows too". So we begin fighting and I win, I stabbed him twice and he fell. So we get down and hes gone, we think nothing of it for some reason and start walking toward the house. Then all of a sudden he appears and stabs me in the base of my back, it didnt hurt because its a dream but I remember being like "oh, you stabbed me". Then I woke up in hospital in the dream where my stepmum told me she and Joaquin pheonix are now dating and im going to make a full recovery, so is he, let by gones be by gones ect.
I woke up after that very confused.
I rarely lie but I never tell the truth. I doubt everyone and my view of world is narrow. Genes didn't curse me like my insecure mind. I work as an Analyst at a big company. That's all the identity I have. Jokes doesn't make me laugh. Imposter syndrome at office mixed with the insecurities of dating a pretty and outgoing girlfriend have put me in a difficult spot. I rarely have a grip on reality. Last weekend I decided to watch Gladiator before going for the Joker movie. I'm still eagerly waiting for the Joaquin Pheonix starrer. In every scene I saw reflection of myself on Commodus. Oh poor soul, the need for validation, the need to feel the love. I wish I could love my gf better. I wish I could be there for myself. I wish I couldn't daydream.
I watched this film when I was younger and most of the plot went way over my head. I think the main character is a journalist. In my head the actor looks like a mix between Bryan Cranston and Joaquin Pheonix. Every time the year changed it would display the date in a groovy sort of psychadelic font. I feel like the main character was depressed and drove a lot.
A man fall’s in love with computer. No, it doesn’t seem like an original premise. The idea of an artificial intelligence creating an emotional bond is not anything new. I suppose what has been lacking in the past decade is a revamp of this idea; something that is relevant to the social media that consumes us already. The question is “how?” How can you distil the gigantic subject area of humans relationship with computers into 2 hours? Spike Jonze figured out how. Spike Joze has written a very interesting film about a man who falls in love with his, more accurately, operating system. Her is one of the most thought provoking and emotionally heavy films I have seen since No Country for Old Men (2013). The only thing deterring me is that damn moustache.
Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) has recently broke up with his wife (Rooney Mara) and it difficult to come to terms with the loss. Delaying the signing of the divorce papers, Theodore tries to move on and goes on a blind date (Olivia Wilde) only to find that does not feel comfortable in the dating world anymore. To compensate for the loneliness, he buys a new operating system for his computer, the first artificially intelligent one on the market. A voice is designed for Theodore on installation, that of a young woman, it calls itself Samantha. Samantha soon fills the loneliness in Theodore’s life and they grow close. Hesitant about the relationship they form, he grows self-conscious when his ex-wife learns about the couple and scolds him about. His faith in Samantha is revitalised, when his old college girlfriend, Amy (Amy Adams), reveals that she too has a close friendship with her OS. While Theodore deals with his issue, Samantha begins to develop too fast for the relationships good.
I have a feeling that this film’s subject matter will be discussed somewhat more thoroughly in the years to come. Not only is the matter thought provoking, I felt it was a realistic or, at least, inspired vision of humanity’s future, which correlated with how we behaved at this point in time. What is interesting is the significance of the AI in this story. If you consider the same romantic story, but between two human, it seems a little cliché and even unoriginal. With Samantha, however, you get very intricate and socially significant story. This combined with the very retro, yet incredibly futuristic setting; Jonze has created something that works well, despite these wild and crazy elements. I think the key to it working, is the respect and dignity in which Jonze handled the content.
I did not like Joaquin Pheonix. I don’t know whether I am not a fan in general, or that this role just didn’t suit him. He was inconsistent. At times, he really got into the role. At other times, he looked lost and seemed like he tried too hard to be this introvert and awkward man. The opposite can be said for Scarlett Johanson. Her voice was perfect for the role, and any guy can tell you how seductive her raspy voice can be. She, like Jonze, treated the narrative with the utmost respect. Amy Adams was an exceptional piece of casting. I was hard on her when I watched American Hustle, and I still stand by my opinion of that performance. However, she redeems herself in a sweet and messy role.
Her has a great amount of charm within. The themes can get a little intense at stages, and Theodore’s anxieties about having a “robot” girlfriend can become a little monotonous. However, on the whole, the detail that has gone into the issues, themes, narrative, look and feel of this film, far outweigh this. I think this is a film that respectfully turns rom-com and romance drama convention on their head. It may not appeal to everyone, but I think it is a must see, just so you can experience some new ideas and you, yourself, can form an opinion on it. My only warning is this; Joaquin Phoenix’s moustache is terrible letdown and needs to be eliminated. A great sci-fi and romance film.
For the cliff's notes version of this post, you will want to skip to the numbered section at the bottom.
The life unexamined is not worth living. Pay attention to your life. It's any easy trap to fall into, not picking apart every little mistake or success
you have with women. But you should, not as you're talking to them, or you'll blow yourself out, but think hard on it later. You can still be outcome independent and not give a fuck and such, but study intellectually what goes wrong or right with your interactions. Analyze the shit out of it all, the good and the bad. Every little rejection or success you encounter is the result of you: How you look, the slightest extra bit of confidence you portray, how drunk you are, your tone of voice, your appearance. On one hand you can't let yourself get bogged down by thinking about these things or you'll be a failure with women. On the other hand, if you're not not at all conscious of your behavior, status, appearance, the things you're saying that make you sexy, your level of eye contact, etc... you'll never evolve.
I tend to learn more from my failures because instead of cuddling with my baby and trying to keep the bottom arm of my big spoon from falling asleep, when I fail I'm analyzing what I did wrong. Tonight, I've been humbled. I hate to admit that I've failed with this girl. It happens to us all, but I haven't crashed and burned like this since my AFC days. But I learned.
I'm a cast member in a play, and last night was our final performance. She's an honest to God 10, and so fucking cool
too. This is no ordinary hotty. This girl froze my game. She was that perfect
that a seasoned vet like your pal Canei... fell hard. This girl would give Iceberg Slim oneitis. An Angel.
So, Angel and were in a play together, and I slow played it each rehearsal, being cool and teasing her until she was into me. I would bust her mercilessly on her age (I'm much older), call her dark and twisted. I accused her of staring at my junk: "I'm up here" She ate it up. I never paid her too much attention, and let her see me just be an awesome confident guy around the cast.
I could sense she was into me. It was fucking GREAT. She started laughing harder and louder at my jokes, coming to stand by me more, making fun of me harmlessly in groups. I did an inner Final Fantasy victory dance. It was on. After practice one day, as we were walking out, she mentions she's that she's starving.
Canei: So come get dinner with me.
Girl: (Laughs) Like, a date?
Canei: (Without missing a beat, and with a strong voice) Yeah, like a date.
Girl: Wait, seriously?
Canei: Yeah seriously, guys must ask you out all the time.
Girl: But you always call me Junior (Smiling, direct eye contact, playing with her hair) You really see me like that?
Canei: Come get dinner with me.
Girl: I can't tonight. My roommates birthday is tonight. (Thinking it over) I have to drive back to [town an hour away where she goes to school]
Canei: Skip it, I'm more fun than your roommate.
Girl: I really can't tonight.
Canei: No, I understand. Go have fun with your roommate. We'll do this another time.
Girl: (Smiling) A date?
Canei: Yes. I'm not asking you out... I'm telling you.
Well gents, ol' Canei was pretty pleased with himself that night. I couldn't stop smiling. I knew I was playing it awesome. James Bond, yo. You know why tt's hard to be outcome independent? Positive outcomes feel much better.
But, I knew I hadn't really gotten anywhere yet, so I tried to cool my jets.
Well, in the week between then and when I saw her next, she started the process of getting back together with her high school sweetheart. I didn't know this yet, so to me it just seemed like her attraction to me disappeared. She just wasn't as into it as the first week, so I got super in my head. I started to play it very wrong from that point on. I knew I was fucking up but I couldn't stop. I blacked out from her volcanic hotness and made the move too early. A huge leap in Kino. I went in for the kiss before I established enough touching or comfort. We had flirted a lot, but really didn't know much about each other. It's so obvious in retrospect. I won't make that mistake again.
From the moment I showed interest by trying to kiss her, I went full retard. I figured, since I had already showed my hand, the best thing to do would be to be a rake
). Just super direct and unlike any guy she's ever known. I wasn't congruent because I wasn't playing my
game. I'm much subtler usually. So I texted her: I know that was too soon to kiss you, but there's something about you. You make me unable to control myself.
As she was continuing peace talks with the ex, I called her to see if she was coming into town for the weekend. She said she'd call me back, but never did. Well, I kind of half-assed being a rake. A rake is hard to pull off. Those of you who've read "The Art of Seduction" know what I'm talking about. Anyhow, I was not a rake, not congruent. The harder I struggled to not drown in my own text and calls, the more I regressed into AFC times. The pure joy of an interested angel turned to the bitter disappointment an angel flaking. I knew I was sinking. At the last rehearsal, and going into the final performance last night, she wanted nothing to do with me. Avoiding eye contact, the works. A 180. Feels bad man. I was talking in the mirror all like "Canei, you call yourself a player. Please bitch, you're no player. You're creepy bra. That boyfriend thing she said probably isn't even true."
The problem was that I wasn't being me.
I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none. Not being me, and coming on way too strong and too early made her interest in me plummet to zero. I blew it, and tonight was the final performance of the play. A sour note to end on. "Canei"
I said to myself "I'm sorry brother, I didn't mean it. You're not creepy. You're awesome. Let's learn from this."
Basically, I had nothing to lose. I was never going to see this girl again, why not at least learn from her? Also, leave her better than I found her. Fuck it. She has a boyfriend anyway. Nothing to lose.
I texted her to meet me outside, because she was avoiding me. (Yeah, it was brutal) She texted back Why?
And then I just said "as a favor. trust me." I kept asking, but she wouldn't respond. She's super fucking stubborn, but so am I. She absolutely didn't want to meet me. But I finally convinced her through alpha persistence to just have a private word. When she didn't respond to my many
texts, I took her from her conversation, authoritatively declaring that I needed to borrow her.
I pulled her into the hall, practically kicking and screaming, and then did something I never do. It was totally AFC, but I knew it would be going in, and I tried to do it in as alpha a way as I could muster. I pulled her into the hall and gave her a series of genuine compliments. Sappy shit. Pedestal shit. And I could have gone on for minutes. And I meant it. Just genuine unrestrained compliments. Something like few of us ever hear, but all deserve to hear. I gave her huge compliments, something I never
do. And it wasn't coming from a place of even trying to game her anymore. I just thought "She's great, and if it doesn't matter what she thinks of me. She deserves to hear this."
I said: "Listen, I know we barely each other. I know you have a boyfriend, and I'm not trying to disrupt your relationship. I'm sure he's great. (Her, smiling: "He is!" Me, doing my best not to vomit) I just feel I owe it to you to tell you this, since I'm never going to see you again after tonight.
I think you're absolutely incredible. It's not just your face, or your body, or the way you move and laugh, it's, it's just... you have an intellect, a creativity, a wit that I don't think people usually see behind your beauty. I don't even know if you see it. You're incredible. I give you shit, and you give it right back. I love that. You can hang with anyone. I call you 'kid,' but I'm teasing. I know you're a woman. The thing is, I meet a lot of amazing people, but I think it's a shame I never really got to know you, because you're a rare person. You're meant for greatness. I'm an excellent judge of character, and you're meant for big things. You have the total package, and that's really rare. You're unbelievably stubborn and a little sheltered, but you're one of the most fascinating people I've ever met. I'm not in love with you, and I'm not going to lose sleep over you, but it's too bad I never got the chance."
I meant it. (Except for the fact that I'd disrupt her relationship in a heartbeat if I thought it was realistic)
It was against all my instincts to tell her that, and I wish I could say that she was cuddling up to me now, but no. That's not always life. What I can
tell you is that after I gave her the genuine compliment, she smiled. After avoiding me vehemently for two previous whole rehearsals, she said "That was nice. Weird, but nice." At the last performance, she started initiating conversation again. I think she was even a little attracted again, but this girl did such a number on me somehow that I stopped trying to figure it out. At the end, I told her to take care and have a great life. She said:
"I have your number"
A bronze medal.
I failed, but I grow from failure, so that I may rise, Joaquin Pheonix style, from my ashes. Here's my take on the whole situation.
1) I will NEVER again make my move too early, or even directly express interest. All y'all who play direct game, props, but I'm going back to indirect game. Unspoken shit. Plausible deniability. Direct only under the surface and with body language, and with mixed signals.
2) The old advice is true. Step outside of yourself, and do something new, something you'd never do. Just to see what happens. Going that
direct and pursuing that
hard was new to me. It totally didn't work, but I don't regret it. It's given me food for thought, and I found aspects of it I like and aspects I don't. Same with the compliments. I very rarely
ever give huge compliments. I'm rethinking that now. Try new behaviors. It's the only way to learn.
3) Compliments are more powerful than negs, it's just that you need to give compliments correctly, and at the right time. They need to be earthshattering, genuine, and unique. The stuff nobody else notices. The type of compliment that is remembered years later. I'm going to compliment more.
4) If you're going to be beta, do it in an alpha way. If you apologize, that doesn't mean you need to be a sorry loser about it. If you're going to beg a girl who has a boyfriend to talk to you for five minutes, beg with direct eye contact and call her out on being unreasonably stubborn. "You're impossible, you know that?"
5) Study social dynamics, every second of every day. When you watch TV, when you're in class or a meeting, and when you're right in the thick of it. It's always happening. Cause and effect. Whether you succeed or fail, there's always a reason. Usually it's something in your communication. Sometimes, I piece of shit on-and-off boyfriend too. Find the cause for each effect.
6) Outcome independence. I thought I had a chance with a siren of a girl, but it wasn't meant to be. I'm fine with that. There will be others. Self esteem intact. Still happy. Still tall dark and handsome. Still awesome. Still improving every single day of my life.
7) So much of flirting is creative misinterpretation. If you see a hotty in a camo-tee, salute her. If she's older or younger, exaggerate it to ridiculous proportions. If she's wearing a leather jacket, recruit her into your biker gang. If she sneezes, go over the top blessing her with holy water.
8) Play your own game. Yes, try new behaviors, but only when you want to experiment. Play your own game. Be you, not someone you're not. If you know you want to be more of a caveman, do it until it's second nature, until it's part of your game. Then play on.
9) Don't take giant leaps in kino.
10) I'm going for every 10 I see. 10s are thrilling to go for. 10s make this game worth playing, especially when they're cool people. If I ever get married, God forbid, I swear
she will be gorgeous. There's no reason to waste time on any girl who's not. We're badasses, and we will prevail.
I don't know if that was educational or just a long vent session. I suppose that's why reddit has a voting system.